God's Laughter (Undoing the Damage) | I Believe in Willingness | The Power of A Smile
Catch and Release | Gentle Vigilance | Got Butterflies?

March 2007

The Power of A Smile

It’s 5:36 p.m., and I run into the local supermarket on my way home from work. I really don’t want to be here. The store is crowded. I’m tired and hungry. Unfortunately, there’s nothing to eat at home. So here I am, pushing the cart that pulls to the right (how is it that I always get the broken one?), trying not to crash into my fellow grumpy shoppers. It is times like this that my ego tends to get into full gear. Can’t that mother control her kids? Why can’t this store get any decent produce? Did you see what that woman was wearing? Why are there only three registers open when the lines stretch all the way to the meat counter?

I really don’t enjoy being this way. Being negative and judgmental doesn’t make me happy. Complaining about things doesn’t make me happy. In fact, all of this whining is just making me feel worse. After all, it’s not like I plan to be here all night. I just have to put a few things in my cart, pay for them, and continue home. It will only take 30 minutes at the most and then I can relax. Why do I feel the need to take an essentially neutral experience and turn it into a nightmare?

It is then that I am reminded of the real reason I here. It doesn’t have anything to do with groceries. Every situation in my life is an opportunity to let go of my judgments and fear. Every encounter is filled with possibility to heal myself, and ultimately the world. I just have to be willing to see my circumstances differently. I have to be willing to choose love instead of fear. When I am willing, it is like a switch being triggered in my spirit. Suddenly, I am no longer the miserable grump that walked into the store.

One of the practices I have developed to help me overcome my negativity is smiling at people. This is especially helpful when I am in places where I would rather not be, such as the grocery store, waiting in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles, and on the bus. Now that may seem like a silly way to make oneself feel better, but with the proper motivation, it can be very healing.

When I smile, I want the person I’m smiling at to realize that there is someone on this planet that truly cares about who they are and what they are feeling. I give them a smile that they can see in my eyes and feel in their heart. And here is the kicker: I smile at EVERYBODY, including the people that my ego may tell me don’t deserve a smile. Mothers with screaming kids. Gangbangers wearing their colors, with their hats cocked. Homeless people begging for change. When my ego is no longer engaged in choosing who deserves love and who doesn’t, I am better able to connect with everyone at a deeper level.

Not everyone smiles back, of course, but a lot of people do. However, I truly believe that even the ones that don’t smile still feel the effects of my love, even if it’s at a subconscious level. They are also the ones that need it most. People that don’t smile back are clearly burdened by a low self-esteem. They see themselves as unloved and unlovable. By smiling at them with such heartfelt enthusiasm, I am telling them that they are loved, that they are deserving of love. If enough people would do the same, they would start to believe it’s true.

When I smile at the mother with the screaming kids, I am reminding her that she is not alone. I am hopefully letting her know that she can find peace amidst the semi-controlled chaos of her life. Perhaps my smile will help her be just a little more understanding of her kids’ boundless energy. Perhaps she will find a way to channel their energy in a slightly more positive way as the result of my honoring her.

When I smile at the homeless man, I am recognizing his humanity and our common need to be loved. I may give him change, I may give him a 20-dollar bill or I may simply give him a smile. The money means nothing without the love behind it. It is my hope that the warmth of my smile may give him a little more courage towards transforming his life for the better. If he has a drinking problem, perhaps my understanding smile can let him know that I have fought a bitter struggle against alcohol and emerged victorious through the help of others.

When I smile at the gangbanger, I am attempting to undermine the fear and isolation that lead him to seek companionship in the deadly world of street gangs. I am showing that I do not fear him, but that I do love him. Perhaps this will give him pause enough to make him re-consider some of his life choices. If others smile at him too, with the same courage and compassion, he could find a more loving way to live.

To some, the possibilities created by a simple smile may seem overly optimistic. It is such a little thing, smiling. Yet it is often a small change that can lead to bigger changes. It can be the straw that breaks the ego’s back; the tiny crack in the dam that leads to the flood of emotion, allowing for a transformative healing. A spiritual awakening doesn’t always start with a bang. Often it is a slow realization that the things that we have been doing no longer serve us the way they used to. It is the accumulation of little reminders that gradually bring us to this point of re-birth. A sincere smile from a stranger can become one of those transformative reminders.

The next time you find yourself fighting your way through the supermarket or twiddling your thumbs in your doctor’s waiting room, try smiling at the people around you. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact. These are human beings like you, not pit bulls. They are tired and hungry and uncomfortable just like you. And like you, there are a lot of other places they would rather be at the moment. So why not give them a smile? Not a smirk. Not a grimace. Give them a genuine smile that they can see in your eyes and feel in your heart. They will feel better. You will feel better. All of a sudden, the nightmare is a little less, well…nightmarish. Smile!